This forgiveness thing, does it work?

I have recently come through a very dark period in my life, and it just occurred to me to, while looking through some websites, looking for writing I had done years ago, that forgiveness does work, I think. 

A couple of months ago, I rang my ex, it was a very messy breakup, over 2 years ago, all I said on this call was, was Hi Kym, its Lynny, and she went off at me, telling me to never ring or contact her again, and hung up the phone before I could even say why I rang.

I cried about how it had come to this, after 11 years, cried for a week or so, and then someone said something to me, I can't even remember what it was exactly, something about the breakup over 2 years ago wasn't my fault. 

Anyway, suddenly the tears were gone, and when alone, I just thought, I forgive you Kym. She never heard it, she couldn't she's in the States, I'm here in NZ, she never will hear it, lol, I would prolly get another mouthful of cuss words if she did lol... anyway, thats the point really, she won't know. 

I was just numb for a couple of months, my life now of chronic pain took over, another suicide attempt, and then last night, when I was looking at the vid facebook made for its 10th birthday, because it choose the pictures, there were a photos of her, and things we had done, all reminders of her. 

And I realized I was smiling, then chuckling, that laughing about various great things that happened back then, when things were good. 

During the night, I went search DeviantART where artists met, I found some stuff she had written about me, a couple of poems she had written, back in the good old days.

It seemed the more I looked around the internet, for stuff to gather here in my facebook notes, the more I found of her, things she had written as writer bios, or comments she had made on various articles I have written, the memories have flooded back, the good memories I mean,  

Even now while writing this, I different good memories are surfacing, my point is, that a couple of months ago, when I forgave her, first all I noticed was I didn't feel anything, after so much turmoil over the past couple of years, and now I'm totally over the bad stuff,  as quickly as a switch being turned off, and I have to really wonder if that forgiveness really does work.

I haven't spoken to my family for 11 years, and there's a lot of bad blood there, gunna try this forgiveness stuff with one of them, they don't need to know, and it seems I don't even have to think exactly what I forgive them for, just think I forgive you... will let you know what happens. 

To be continued...